My best friend's Maid of Honour speech...

Nik’s Maid of Honor Speech to AliaGood evening everyone, I am Nik Shahira. I am Alia’s maid of honour and today, well you know. The speech crap.Alia, Alia, Alia…. You….You amazing thrill ride! You’ve grown up so much, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you! But I’m so FURIOUS!!! How on Earth, I ask myself a THOUSAND times, could that douche bag next to you -No offense, dude- take you away from us- NO, ME!? HOW!? God, I even wished I could stab your hubby there ever since he magically swept you off your feet …but you know what? Whatever! You’re happy and that makes me wanna burst in joy every second! I couldn’t be happy for you more than I could now, baby.But GAH, ALIA!- EFFING Finally! Remember the times we sat through Deanna’s wedding with NJ, filled with the hope that someday, it would be one of us up there with a sexy guy? Gone are the lonely nights we talked until the early hours, crying over the fear that it might never be one of us up there. And now…Say goodbye to bad blind dates arranged by Carmen and relentless pestering from Joyce who was always trying to fix you up with the wrong guy. Say goodbye to scanning all those sad profiles on the Internet dating sites I gave you during my Milo withdrawal insomniac nights, looking for someone to peak your interest. And I gotta tell you, Alia, you are one helluva fish to catch. Josh over there, certainly hit the mother of all jackpots! But ah! How happy are you that you will never again have to fight with the other single girls to catch the bouquet? TEE HEE, I’M HINTING MYSELF HERE! Can you believe that you actually get to be the one tossing the bouquet this time?Well, I sure can. I always could. I knew during those awkward and naughtyintroductions at happy hour, when one of our friends invited a single hot guy and didn’t tell you. I knew when you were secretly picking out your own sexy wedding gown of your liking on all those shopping trips for the other bubbly girls who were engaged. I confess I got a little worried when you started dating Mr. Wrong. What was his name? The guy we called “OH GOD, HE’S A CHICK.” I knew there were better things in store for you. And, thankfully, you did too. HELL YEAH, YOU DID BABE!And then there was Josh. The guy we called “the hot dude we like.” I remember when you first told me he could be “the one.” I could just picture it. Joshdown on one knee, asking you to make him the happiest man in the world while you lift up your right leg and squeals, offering you that beautiful diamond ring, you in that gorgeous gown, me making this speech.It may have been many years in the making, but (groom) was certainly worth waiting for. It is so great to finally see you so happy! NOW GO HAVE SEX LADY!