WHAM! Sally slammed the door behind her, leaving the bleeding part of her heart on the other side of the door. Something shiny caught her eye. A penknife. Probably left by her mom while she raced on her deadline to finish her artwork. It has always been about that, her art, her work, her life, her events. Sally wanted to scream her frustration. But rather than scream on the outside, she’d rather do it on the inside. Inside, where she can finally be alone, with her fears and worries.
The knife glinted in her sight. It caught the sunlight at such an angle that it shone brilliantly. Sally picked it up, running her fingers on the blade, testing its sharpness. She gasped as a bead of red, warm blood prickled where the knife left a trail. It trailed down, following the knife on a deadly race as it splattered onto the white fur carpet of her room.
Maybe she needed to be like that trail of blood, moving forward even if what made you left was painful and you wanted to stay so badly. The knife may hurt and cut all that you have known open, but in the end, you just got to move on.
Giggles. Giggles everywhere. Loud shrieks, promising happiness and youthful innocence surrounded her. She used to be like them, these girls who laughed loudly and shrieked while their friends chased them. Now all she can do is smirk. Smirk, not because there’s any bit of amusement in her heart. Rather, it’s because she will never be like them. She will never fit in with these girls.
They called her many names. Freak, Weirdo, all those hurtful things people use to label others who are different. And different Sally was. She wasn’t athletic, musical, beautiful or even smart. She was just different from people of her age. At sixteen, she’d rather spend her day reading on articles about revolutions and such than hanging out with her peer. She spent her free time delving into historical facts and religious articles.
Today was no different. Today, it was Jainism. It intrigued her deeply. Jainism stresses on compassion for all life, human or non-human. She liked that. The concept where everything should be treated nicely for they are all souls, even if they are different. It’s funny how children seem to practice what Jainism preach subconsciously. How did it all change? She remembered what it was like to be a child, where clothes didn’t matter, money was just pieces of paper adults use in stores and ice-cream could solve every conflict between two friends.
She sat at the edge of the cafeteria, watching the others having the time of their lives. A tiny part of her yearns to join their girlish games. She squashed that part down, far away from the surface of her heart. She couldn’t join them anyway, even if she managed to convince herself to try. She mused on what their reaction might be should The Freak tried to join them. That got her filled with dark laughter.
A head turned into her direction as her laughter broke loose . She found Elizabeth looking at her, and just for one split second Sally thought she saw a questioning look. “What’s so funny?” Elizabeth seemed to ask through her squinting eyes. Then Elizabeth’s new friend dragged her away before their eye contact could last for any longer than that one brief moment. Not that Sally minded anymore.
Elizabeth used to be her best friend. Elizabeth is also the reason she stopped believing in such nonsense. There are no such things as best friends, just people who you can rely on. People who are important to you. Actions speak louder than mere words such as best friends. People change, best friends turn into people who laugh behind your back. Eventually, you’re all alone again. That’s life. The saddest yet most relieving thing about life is that it moves on.
Sometimes, you just need the closure. You need to let it go. Let it drown with your tears of sorrow. A wise man once said, “Tears clean the windows of your soul” and Sally knew there’s some truth behind those words. She would know, for she had cried a lot. She, who felt the pain of so many people leaving her when they’ve promised a lifetime together.
It was not only Elizabeth, there was also her brother. Her brother, Ryan. Her brother who used to be so loving and who doted upon her. She loved him with all her heart and she thought he loved her just as much. But then again, remember, people change. So he did one day, he left her all alone. At first she bleed, and cried upon his departure. But in time, she learnt an important lesson. Never to trust anyone. Not even those who once made you smile and laugh.
Sally felt that she is full of scars. Not from battle wounds, but rather from painful memories she fought off as they threaten to unnerve her away from her path of solidarity. Yes, she was alone. She still gets scared sometimes. Scared of the big, black, undetermined future ahead, knowing that she’s on her path alone. However alone she may be, she knows that she’s better off this way. Better to be alone for your entire life than be with the wrong people even just for a second.
And so, Sally walked away from the cafeteria. That was not all she walked away from. She walked away from what was once part of her life. There, at the edge of the cafeteria, she left the memories of Ryan and Elizabeth. She embraced the loneliness and she walked on.
The End
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