Hope. Simple isn't it? Have you ever heard of the saying, "When you reach the bottom , do not be in despair, because then, the only way to go is up?". Well, I feel like I have hit rock bottom. Allah SWT is seriously testing me right now. He knows I'm strong enough, but he still wants to test me.
One: You left me. Jaan, you left me without another word. It still stings. Today, it's been more than weeks, but damn, it still hurts. Like a wound that never heals. I'm sorry. Maaf karo.
Two: I'm sorry, kakak. I'm sorry if I disappointed you. It is not my wish to do so. I'm merely trying my best to not end up hurt anymore. I can't keep going on like this. But believe me, kak, there's not a day that passes by without the thought of you passing through my head. What are u doing right now or how are you coping with life. Those things run like a never ending loop in my head. I miss you. I truly do. But I'm making baby steps towards independence. However, I cannot lie to myself. One word from you and all my will would crumble to dust. A part of me wish for this to happen, another part don't. Ironic isn't it?
Three: To my best friend (I hope you don't mind that I'm still calling you that. Reality is hard to get used to), I'm sorry for whatever I did. If I ever hurt you, I hope God repays back all the times I hurt you to me. I don't know and probably never will know the reason why this is happening to us but I want you to know I'm sorry. For anything and everything. Especially for letting go. Because that is what I'm doing right now, letting go.
Anyone else I have hurt throughout the whole time I have been moody, grouchy, hurtful, bitchy and mean.. I'm truly sorry. Forgive me. For I was going through a rough spot. It is not an excuse for me to take it out on you guys, but I'm still sorry. Truly sorry.
I want to promise myself that starting tomorrow, 25th April 2012, I shall be a stronger person. I shall. Amin.
A
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