Unspoken

I'm sorry I had to post this. I know I'd never have the guts to say this to you face to face.
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To: Whom it may concern.

From: The person who loved you.

Re: Till we meet again.

You said you trusted me because I’d never lie to you. But now, it seems so long ago and all we said and all we shared seem to cross the boundary of thin truth into the territory of white lies.

You knew I loved you, yet you could still do this to me. But why? Where was I mistaken? Was it when I lost my temper...when my anger flared in response to what your anger should have been?

I know that if you were to read this, you wouldn’t understand, you won’t ever understand why I did it in the first place, but believe me, it was unstoppable. It was bound to happen.

You taught me that if I had something to say, I should just say it, instead of keeping it to myself. But how would it ever be possible to me to ever tell you how much I cared? How much I wanted it to last forever and that there would never be an end?

Now... all that’s left are the past memories. That is if you bothered to cherish them. Something tells me inside, I’m the only one between us doing it, because probably, I’m the only one who cared to do it. I don’t know if all this is true but it seems that way, with me and you.

You taught me the value of truth, trust and love. You showed me that sometimes... it doesn’t matter if you love someone...you just got to let it go and see how it goes. You taught me that even if your feelings towards that person aren’t mutual, the love is still irrevocable love.

Over the time, I learned but I doubted. There were times; your actions seem to convince me that you cared, no matter how little. Someone told me over and over again that anyone could and would have done the same, but coming from you, those tiny actions were huge holes on the cloak you wore around me, almost making me believe that you cared though you acted otherwise.

I was there for you when you needed me and I thought you did the same for me. You were always the wiser one, the one to tell me that everything I’m going through right now, is all normal. You were there when my life was messed up and I needed someone, not any someone, when I need you of all people to tell me that everything will be fine.

Now? I don’t have that someone anymore. I don’t have you, to lean on when I needed to. To pour my heart out knowing you’d never judge me the way others did. True enough, I had others. Others I could lean on, others I could cry my heart out to, but no one could be a replacement of you.

In this world, there aren’t many whose life I could just jump into like I did with yours and yet not be pushed away like so many did to me. No one have accepted me and not judged me like you did. No one was that tolerant of my annoying behaviour.

 I don’t know for sure whether at any point, you have hated me but I’d like to think that there were times you wished I wasn’t around but you could still bear with me, because that’s just who you are.

I’d just like to state whatever I love in you and not state things about you that I loved all the same but I would rather have them changed. Because when you love someone, you love all the positive things about that person and all the negative things too.

I had loved and I had hurt because of you. But I try my very best to put it all behind. Why remember the awful parts when you can just immortalise the good things in your memories?

Even now, whenever I notice you avoiding me or hiding away from me when you see me, I’d rather pretend not noticing it all because I take it that whatever you’re doing is for the best and all you’re doing has a good reason. Like you said and projected through your offending actions, it’s for the best.

I wish I know what to do right now, but believe me, I do try my best. Try my best to conceal and mask the pain even when there are those sharp people who see through my pain. I cannot bid a goodbye for I’d always wish for a reunion and forgiveness.

So, I guess, I’d just say... “Till we meet again”.

                                                                                                         Forever in debt and loving you,

                                                                                                              The person who loves you.

P.S: I know I never actually sent this to you, but if you happen to read it, please just spare a second in 86400 seconds on the day you read this, to think of me, how I felt and how much you actually care. Thank you.

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Before I sign off, I'd like to say: "Estas en mi corazón". 

It means: You are my heart. 

Alia